We Are Never Getting (Back) Together

I'm ashamed to admit that I don't know any of the current and up & coming artists on the airwaves right now. I don't know any of Lizzo's songs... Or Dua Lipa's... Or Kane Brown's... Or H.E.R.'s... Or Megan Thee Stallion's... Or SZA's... Or Post Malone's... Or Sabrina Carpenter's... Or Ariana Grande's... Or Billie Eilish's... Or... Well, you get the idea. I think I inherited my grandfather's love of music which came with an unexpected blessing/curse: sensitive ears. There is certain music that I like - jazz, classical, oldies, big bands, Celtic, 60s-90s, early 2000s, Broadway, country (yes, I'm a black woman who enjoys country! Get over it.), classic rock, rock 'n' roll, bossa nova, alternative, Latin - and if the beat and the lyrics are right, I'm in heaven. But if there's something that just makes me the least bit uncomfortable in the songs I hear nowadays - f-bombs being dropped every 15 seconds, lyrics with explicit sexual content, repeating material from previous hit songs and using unoriginal material (lack of imagination comes to mind), or just the sound of someone's voice - my ears will let me know it's time to change the station or skip the song. It's gotten to the point where I don't even listen to the radio anymore because some of my favorite music that I love to listen to is getting replaced with what's hot and mainstream, and oldies stations, jazz stations, classical music stations, and 80s-90s stations aren't hot or mainstream like they used to be. It's no wonder whenever someone asks me if I heard of this artist or that artist or that song my face goes blank. I literally have no clue what you're talking about. Which is probably why what I'm going to say next may shock you... Or even appall you. I have a confession to make to the world at large: I, Nessa Elinor Amherst, Do NOT like Taylor Swift! Whew! There. I said it.

Okay, okay, before you all decide to tar and feather me, hang me, or plan my untimely demise, let me say something important. I'm all for female empowerment and doing things and creating opportunities for girls and women that haven't been there for us before, which is what Taylor Swift has been doing for much of her career. That I support. But if you recall my above comments about my sensitive ears, Taylor Swift's music is, well, not my cup of tea. I'm sure she's talented (she must be if she's sold over a billion records worldwide and has done successful sold-out world tours AND has caught the heart of a Kansas City tight end) and she's probably a sweet person, but her music is not something I particularly enjoy. I tried listening to several of her songs, and to be honest, she's not the strongest vocally. And her lyrics don't do anything for me. And much of her tracks are annoying, especially if it's on repeat 24/7! But here's the thing that gets me - and I personally blame social media for this: Taylor Swift is EVERYWHERE, and whenever there's a story that just has to feature her, it gets to be both confounding and maddening that the world has to stop for her. I guess I could say that I'm just over hearing about her and seeing her everywhere, learning more about her relationship with Travis Kelce, viewing her accomplishments, looking at her career, listening to her music... I'm just over Taylor Swift. I just want to go through one day without hearing her name or seeing her face everywhere I go. Is that too much to ask? But here's what's heartbreaking for me. I"m probably in the minority when I say that I don't like Taylor Swfit or any of her songs. Believe me, I've tried, but again, they're just not for me. You can call me whatever you want - a fuddy-duddy, old school, boring, stupid, worthless, any of those things. I don't care. Well, that's not entirely true. I don't care... But I deeply get hurt when I hear those things said to me. There's a big reason why I don't like Taylor Swift, and it's kind of personal to me. As someone who is in the minority of not liking her or her music, I often get shamed or slandered for not liking Taylor Swift. Not even being in the "in" crowd, shall we say. There are people out there who look at those of us with contempt and say, "Oh, you don't like Taylor Swift. I forgot." as if we're a disease for not being with it or even remotely supporting her. To tell you the truth, I think the fans are ruining it for me and for a small number of us who are in the minority of not liking Taylor Swift or joining the craze. Even music fans when I was growing up had a bit more restraint than this generation, at least from my perspective! But one thing's certain: The idea of being our own person, which includes enjoying whatever music we like and not always being with the "in" crowd, is still lost on a vast majority of people. It's like individuality doesn't matter when it comes to music... When it's individual music that should bring us together. How did we get to this point? Especially concerning Taylor Swift? Well, I've got a few ideas...

Ending relationships over political views, I get that. Ending friendships over your family's beliefs on how certain people who aren't like you should be treated, I get that. But ending relationships and friendships over not liking Taylor Swift is something I may never understand. Yet here we are in 2024 and we are doing just that. And it's on a scale so large that it's almost overwhelming for this actor and writer. All because I choose not to be in the "in" crowd for Taylor Swift and be my own individual when it comes to music tastes and liking sports. Speaking of sports... I already enjoyed football LONG before Taylor Swift came into the picture, and I was content with it staying that way. I didn't need her to amp up football or see her face on TV sporadically (or as some viewers and sports commentators/reporters might find it to be "too much"). One writer agrees with me in this personal reflection in an article I found. (NOTE: I copied and edited for clarity.) Have you heard? Taylor Swift has been to a couple NFL games lately and she’s been spending some time with Kansas City Chiefs tight end, Travis Kelce. Even if you don’t care, you definitely heard.

I happen to care very much about two of those things: football and Taylor Swift. Well, and tangentially Travis Kelce, I suppose, because he does happen to be the best in the league at his position and is on the defending Super Bowl champion team, and he once helped my fantasy team win more than a few games. He’s not really my type, but that’s not wherein my beef lies. (Let’s save those thoughts for our group chats, shall we?)

This isn’t about these two famous people who are “still just getting to know each other” in “more of a hanging out situation than dating,” according to a source in People. No, my rage is focused on the way people are talking about it and marketing it—especially those acting as though women just discovered sports because Taylor Swift attended a football game. Now, did a bunch of people (of varying genders and ages) tune into a game they otherwise would not have because of Taylor? They sure did. There was anecdotal evidence everywhere on social media and the ratings for Sunday night’s game averaged 27 million, with a 53% surge in viewership among teenage girls, per CNN. I’m not here to gatekeep football or Taylor Swift. But I’m also not going to let people act like women of all ages didn’t previously enjoy the sport. As for football, I’ve been watching it since I can remember, and my family has had season tickets to the Indianapolis Colts games since they moved to town in 1984. The NFL has not had the best track record when it comes to addressing issues of domestic violence and sexist work environments, just to name a couple of its many issues, and that has given me pause as a female fan. And made me more than willing to understand when other friends tapped out on the sport or some people gave me a side-eye about still watching. That’s totally fair. So to see the league and so many brands try to capitalize on the cultural power of Taylor Swift (and her female fanbase) at this moment in time had me feeling a certain way. Especially because so much of the content was so patronizing, or at the very least transparently pandering.

It was as if women had discovered football (and sports in general) for the first time when Taylor attended a game. See what I mean? There was no bashing or anything like that against Taylor Swift. She enjoys Taylor Swift, even. Not even gatekeeping, as the article said. The author is seemingly all for female empowerment, as am I, but is also just as frustrated as I am over the fact that the mainstream sees Taylor Swift as someone who's introduced women to sports for the very first time. Excuse me? There have ALWAYS been female fans of sports, particularly football, as long as they existed, and there always will be. But to treat this as if it's a gold mine to get women and girls to like football even more because of Taylor Swift is a slap in the face. I always get excited when I see a celebrity at a sports game because I never knew they enjoyed sports like I do. But when you're a big name like Taylor Swift, madness ensues. It's as if she's the greatest thing since sliced bread (FYI, she's not, in my humble opinion) and has gotten women excited about football again, sometimes for the very first time. I certainly don't need her to make football more exciting or get me to watch more games, even if she is supporting her boyfriend on the Kansas City Chiefs. I already get excited and engaged with the game on my own. It's just that it seems like the rest of the world has forgotten and neglected the female fans of sports, just like they've neglected and forgotten the female athletes in sports who are doing great things on their own and inspiring little girls without being a big name or selling millions of records or winning all of the awards. Yes, the names are important, but if you really want to make a difference in female fans and participation in sports, you should be reaching out to the women and girls who are already fans and not try to use Taylor Swift to bring in more money and more viewership and hail her a heroine for doing just that. Or even more important than the female athletes out there who are kicking butt in their respective sports. Female athletes and fans already have a hard enough time in this world trying to prove themselves worthy and sometimes even better than men in a male-dominated sports world (sometimes I still see the laughing icons when athletes like Caitlin Clark, Angel Reese, the U.S. Women's soccer team, and others are getting far more accomplishments and wins than the men do, but getting less recognition than the men do). I know what you're thinking: "Oh, you're just jealous of Taylor Swift because she has more followers than you and is more famous than you." "Oh, you're just a sad, little person who has nothing better to do than hate on Taylor Swift. Bye!" "Oh, you're not cool because you don't like Taylor Swift." Did you not see from earlier that I appreciate what Taylor Swift is doing for female empowerment and opening doors for others that weren't being opened before? I'm not out to bash her (though, believe me, there are some days I wish I could just to get it out of my system). But I don't want to fight you, either. What I do want is to understand... Understand why it's so wrong to not be a part of the "in" crowd for Taylor Swift. Understand why I'm considered a disease or a bad person for not liking her music and not joining in on the craze, or cult, as they call it. Understand why I have to have Taylor Swift pushed into my face or in my eardrums every waking moment as if she's the answer to all of my problems when I already have enough going on. Understand why it's not okay to be an individual and be respected for having likes and dislikes that are different from everyone else's. If you ask me, it reminds of high school almost. You know, all of the cliques and popular kids in their respective circles, and they look down on all of the uncool kids and the geeks and those who aren't "in". I feel like I'm uncool for not liking Taylor Swift, and it hurts. It makes me feel like I'm not a good person for being an individual and appreciating and loving music that makes me good, things that aren't Taylor Swift, Lizzo, Dua Lipa, Ariana Grande, Sabrina Carpenter, and others who are on the Top 40 week in and week out. It makes me feel like that overweight, insecure, and emotional teenager who wanted to fit in so much but no matter what she did, it was never good enough because I was never what they wanted me to be... When all I wanted to be was myself. And that's who I want to be for however long my life is. And that includes not joining in with the "in" crowd, especially when it comes to music tastes. Not everyone is meant to like the same things, 'cause if we did, we would be robots, and that would be boring! That includes being okay with not liking Taylor Swift and not being surrounded by her 24/7, sensitive ears and all. I just want to be okay with being my own individual and not be shamed for not being with it for all of the current music and artists out there, and just be happy for what I do like to listen to. We shouldn't have to turn against each other or end relationships for simply not liking Taylor Swift or being apart of the Swifites, but that's what it's coming to, it seems. Take it from this writer's perspective in this article. (NOTE: I copied and edited for clarity.) Taylor Swift‘s fan base has always been rabid, and each day, it only gets bigger. When you’re consistently the only person in the room who doesn’t get the hype, it can be a terrifying prospect to admit you don’t like Taylor Swift. As the years have gone by, Swifties have become more than a dedicated fandom; they’ve become—dare I say—a modern day cult. And what do cult members do when you disagree with their charismatic leader? They blast your inbox with hate mail (at least in my experience). As someone who has always preferred to discover music on my own and form my own opinion free from mainstream pressures, I’m the last person to hop on a bandwagon. However, the way Taylor Swift has taken over the world makes it increasingly harder to be one of the last non-Swifties still standing. In fact, not liking her music immediately makes people suspicious of you. And now, I have no choice but to come clean: I do not get the hype surrounding Taylor Swift. In fact, Taylor Swift and her PR team have done a fantastic job of using “feminism” to shield the Reputation singer from criticism of all kinds. They’ve been disturbingly successful at equating not being a fan of Taylor Swift to not being a feminist. During an episode of her podcast High Low With EmRata, actress and newly converted Swiftie Emily Ratajkowski said it herself: “I was not a Swiftie, and now I’m like, you know what that means? That means I was a misogynist that I didn’t f–k with Taylor Swift.” She continues to unintentionally call attention to this PsyOp, stating: “This person is an incredible songwriter, an incredible performer, and anybody who says anything else? Like, they have issues… If you don’t like Taylor Swift, then, like, you don’t understand things.” Hearing this sent shivers down my spine, because I’ve always considered myself to be a feminist. I grew up listening to the Spice Girls and screaming “Girl power!” at anyone I stumbled across. And now, because Taylor’s music does nothing for me, I must not be a feminist? I counter that egregious statement with the fact that it’s not very feminist to expect all women to have the same taste in music. Is feminism a cult or is it about feminine individuality? I’ve always thought it was the latter. That wasn’t the only time I’ve seen feminist ideals be used to protect Taylor Swift’s brand from even the most innocent form of questioning. Let’s harken back to the 2013 Golden Globes, when hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler sprinkled their set with jabs aimed at countless celebrities in attendance, such as Lena Dunham, Anne Hathaway, James Cameron, Ben Affleck, and Robert Pattinson. Then, they made the cardinal sin of cracking a joke about the untouchable Taylor Swift. Referencing her long string of highly publicized and short-lived relationships, they said she should “stay away from Michael J. Fox’s son.” In response to this wisecrack, Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair: “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women,” which prompted Amy Poehler to apologize for her part in telling the joke. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think feminism exempts anyone from being made fun of, especially if you’re one of the most successful stars the music industry has ever seen. And if the Swiftie fandom can’t handle an innocent joke, then that makes me feel even less excited to join the ranks. The truth is, my apathy toward Taylor Swift has nothing to do with her as a person. I’m actually quite impressed with the empire she’s built, and if I ever had the chance to meet her, I have a strong feeling I would like her. To be frank, the brand she’s cultivated is downright genius and I do respect her for writing her own songs. However, her music does nothing for me, personally. Listening to some of her songs feels equivalent to reading a middle-grade chapter book for girls who like horses. There’s just no “edge” for me, as I feel like I’m being served a perfectly inoffensive product with no controversy, shock factor, or self-deprecating vulnerability to invite me in. There's a new word for you to describe how I'm feeling: Ostracized. Outcast. On the outside looking in. The fact that I'm not "in" with not being a Taylor Swift fan, or a fan of any of the current music or even trends on TikTok makes me look suspicious, or even - dare I say it? - untrustworthy. I'm not meant to join the Taylor Swift cult, as they call it. I'm not supposed to go the same route of buying anything and everything Taylor Swift related and raising holy hell against those who are against her. Given how rabid and even crazy many of her fans are is making me less likely to do just that. But let me ask you this: Should there be a difference with following the crowd versus being your own individual? Is being an individual that much of a crime if you don't go along with the crowd? Is it wrong to actually think for yourself and like the things you like and not be the same as everyone else? I think you all know the answer to that... But it's so easy to forget in this day and age, especially with social media the way that it is right now. I may not be with it for everything that's going on, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings. Come to think of it, that doesn't mean any of us who aren't fans of Taylor Swift's music haven't got any feelings, either. Have you ever felt like an outcast? It's not a nice feeling, is it? And that's how I'm feeling about not liking Taylor Swift's music or my lack of desire joining the millions of fans (rabid as they are). I'm an outcast because I want to like what I want to like music-wise and not go along with the crowd... And that's heartbreaking. (This week's blog post is one that can be viewed as hilarious or thoughtful or both, but either way, these are my observations and reflections. You are welcome to like whomever you like in the world of music, especially if it includes Taylor Swift, or dislike whomever you don't like. Being an individual means having observations and feelings that may not be the same as the general population, and that's okay! I would like to remind you, however, that unkind words aren't allowed - offensive language, disrespectful comments, and hate speech are not permitted here or any of my previous blogs. If you can't find it in your heart to be kind or at least agree to disagree, I will block you.)

I'm a lot of things in this world: A dreamer, Old-fashioned, Sensitive, An old soul, Hopeful, Imaginative, Creative, Brave, Strong, An original. I'm not always meant to be with the "in" crowd. And it took me a long time to get to this point. The last thing I want to do is fall back into old habits of joining the cliques and cults just to be accepted by others, especially if it involves Taylor Swift. I think we as a society have forgotten what it means to be an individual, and not like the same things everyone else likes. It seems that Taylor Swift's reach and massive popularity have led us to believe that she's a goddess and deserves to be worshipped, and anyone who doesn't, should be punished for going against the crowd. Believe me when I say this: That's not true at all. We shouldn't have to force people to join a cult if they don't want to, nor make people like someone who doesn't fit in with their tastes. We shouldn't have to ostracize one another for being individuals and not always going with the crowd. Music has a powerful effect on everyone who hears it, and many of us are affected in so many ways by the instruments and the lyrics coming together to create something so beautiful. And it's not always the same thing (though some mainstream songs are repeating used musical ideas to make hits, and that loses a lot of the creativity that many of us are looking for). Isn't that a beautiful thing? Can I let you in on a little secret? Blackness is not a monolith. Seriously. I'm probably one of the few black people that enjoys listening to classical music, jazz, Latin, Celtic, country, and not all of the mainstream songs all of the time. I'm probably one of the few black people who enjoys going to museums and art galleries and not always hanging out at the malls doing nothing but people watching. I'm probably one of the few black people that loves books - young adult fantasy, cozy mysteries, clean romance, historical fiction, the classics, and cookbooks and not always scrolling through TikTok or X (formerly known as Twitter) at all hours of the day. And yet... To this day, I still feel like I'm an outcast in the black community because I'm not following the "black" crowd, whatever that means. Whether that's not listening to rap, hip-hop, riding in the cars with the bass blasting, going out to the clubs, eating at McDonald's or barbecue places, dressing "urban," wearing skin tight clothes, or anything like that, I'm not considered "black" to the vast majority of the black community, simply because I choose to be an individual, and there are a lot of times when I'm on the outside looking in simply because I choose to be myself instead of going along with the crowd. That's what it feels like to not follow the Taylor Swift craze. It's being told (explicitly or not) that you're not good enough, not "in" enough because you choose to be an individual. There's so much deep hurt and resentment for being an individual because you choose to not follow the crowd, and you wonder why people give you a hard time for being an individual and not liking everything they like. And it can be a heavy and frustrating thing to carry, sometimes heavier on the days when you get swarmed with news and stories about Taylor Swift and you just want to scream "SHUT UP!" If I could end this week's post on a positive note, it would be this: It's perfectly OKAY to be an individual. You don't have to follow the crowd, especially if it doesn't make you feel good or compromises your personal beliefs.

The world doesn't need anymore copies or lemmings. What the world does need are INDIVIDUALS - people who can think for themselves, and not be shamed for doing so. Especially when it comes to Taylor Swift. A little kindness doesn't hurt, either. We shouldn't have to wish death on people who don't like Taylor Swift or don't understand the cult-like craze, let alone shame them for liking music other than Taylor Swift. Or Lizzo. Or Dua Lipa. Or Sabrina Carpenter. Or Megan Thee Stallion. Or SZA. Or Billie Eilish. Music has a way of talking to us, and the lyrics, melodies, harmonies, and instruments don't always sound the same to whoever hears it. And that's okay! But make no mistake: It sounds beautiful. No matter what genre it is, all music is beautiful. Even if you don't listen to that particular song or like the artists, all music is beautiful. Even more because it celebrates INDIVIDUALITY than COMMONALITY. Even as music brings people together, INDIVIDUALITY always matters. Eat your heart out, Taylor Swift. Special thanks to the following articles for this week's blog post: "Saying You Don't Like Taylor Swift Is Like Saying You're A Communist" by Roya Backlund "I Don't Need Taylor Swift to Help Me Understand Football" by Abby Gardner